Wise Guy

This morning Amberlyn's primary teacher called to say that they would be learning about the Word of Wisdom today. They would be having a healthy snack of pineapple, grapes, apples, strawberries, and carrot sticks, and asked if Amberlyn had any food allergies. (Very thoughful, thank you Sister Freeman!)

We went to church, and when I picked up Amberlyn from class at the end, she was excited to show me her yummy bowl of fruit! In the car on the way home, I asked her what she learned in Primary today. She told me they are learning a new song for Mother's Day! (I love the Mother's Day Primary singing time!) I asked what she had learned in Sister Freeman's class. She said she didn't know. Trying to refresh her memory, I asked what she was eating that she had gotten in class. She named all the things in her bowl. I asked her what all those things were. She paused and then slowly replied, "Umm... fruit." The inflection in her voice was like, 'duh mom'. Still trying to prod her memory, I asked if those were all healthy things. She asked with amazment, "How did you know that mom!?"

She's been asking me that latley, and evey time, I give her one of two answers. Either "I'm magic," or "mom's know everything". This time I went with "I'm magic." Still claiming she didn't know what her lesson was about, I tried to get her to recall the theme.

Me: "Did you learn about the Word........of........"

Her: silence

Me: "Amberlyn, the Word of what? What did you learn today? The Word........of.....?"

Her: "I don't know. You're magic, you tell me."

I guess she gets away with saying things like that because she's five.

So, she DOES pay attention!

Yesterday I bought a bunch of strawberries that were on sale. Today was jam making day! I had one batch done and was working on another. The strawberries were cut up, ready to go in the pot. Amberlyn asked if she could help. She held up the pectin that was in the measuring jar, and asked what it was. I told her that it was pectin, and that it helped to make the jam, jam. I said it makes the strawberries firm. She said, "You mean like a firm foundation?"

Words of encouragement

Kids are funny. (They are they are they are they are) That's what I have to tell myself to stay sane. (It's funny. breathe.) This morning's cheerios-all-over-the-floor-even-though-they-had-oatmeal-for-breakfast was funny. So was the orange juice all over the table. Denver uses a spill proof sippy cup. So how did the o.j. get all over the table? Never mind that he sucks it from his cup, then spits it on the table. It's fun! I love cleaning up drooled orange juice. Here's the cheerios all over the floor.

Denver was "helping me" sweep up the spill.

When we were done, he yelled, "Great Job!"

Now it's all worth it.

Explanations, explanations

Every Monday and Wednesday, Denver and I hop in the car to take Amberlyn to preschool. We usually sing a song on the 4 minute drive. Amberlyn hops out of the car, school folder in tow, and runs up to knock on Mrs. T's door. The teacher opens the door, waves, and off we go to head home. As soon as we turn the corner, Denver always says, "Ah-mah-liiiinnnn, Ah-mah-liiinnnnn." Every time, I have to tell him that sister went to school, and we will go get her soon, when she's all done. We stop at the gas station for mommies wake-up juice, (Dr. Pepper, I always have a refill cup in the car) on our way home.

Today as we pulled in the driveway and got out of the car on this rather chilly morning, he had to run in the grass and stop to point out the "Bir-dee!" I tried to get him to come in the house, but he wanted to watch the bird. I told him we would go in the backyard and see if we could see it. He looked at me with a very wary look. "Is there really a bird in the back yard, or is it a trick to get me inside," I could hear him think. Too smart for his own good. I thought for a second. He has enjoyed the lizards on the back fence lately. "Denver, let's go see if we can see a lizard in the backyard!" That worked. (I really figured that when he got in the house, he would get distracted by something shiny.)

Off he ran to go see this proposed lizard. I opened the back door for him and told him to go play. He ran to the back fence and looked up. He called to me "Up dehr mommy, up dehr!" as he pointed to the top of the fence where the lizards usually hang out when it's warm. He wanted me to lift him up to see the non-existent lizard. (Remember, it was cold out.) I told him it was probably too chilly out for the lizards. They would come out when it warmed up. I put him down and he ran to the other fence on the side of the house, where the last lizard sighting had taken place. "Up dehr, up dehr!" again pointing to the top of the fence. I tried another explanation. "The lizards are sleeping. They are at home in there beds and will come back when it's warmer." Apparently still not good enough, as I set him down, and the fussing came. "Denver. The lizard is at work. Daddy went to work, and the lizard went to work. He will be back soon." That worked. He went to play on the swings.

Thief!

A few weeks ago, Matt was laying on the couch under a blanket watching tv. Denver came over and turned the tv off. Matt had to get up to go turn it back on. When he turned back to the couch, there was Denver, laying in the same spot Matt had been, with the blanket pulled over him. Denver totally stole Matt's spot! I think he planned it!

Too smart for her own good!

Matt and Amberlyn were driving in the car. They passed a field with cows in it.

Matt: "Amberlyn, what letter does cow start with?"

Amberlyn: "Cuh-cuh-cow. Letter C!"

Matt: "That's right! Good job! What else starts with C?"

Amberlyn: "Ummm........"

Matt: "How about cuh-cuh-corn? Or cuh-cuh-carrot?

Amberlyn: "Or cuh-cuh-collaborate! When we work together like a team!!!"

Good ol' plastic

Jamison is sitting on the excercise ball in the kitchen. Amberlyn wants him to hold her doll.

Amberlyn: "Here, hold my dolly on your lap."

Jamison: "Are you sure? I might drop her on her head."

Amberlyn: "It's okay. It's made out of plastic."

The Hideousness that is my morning! (Double Whammy!)

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! is the only thing I can say as I run my fingers through my hair, in desperation! What a morning! And it's not even 9:00 am!

First of all, I could NOT fall asleep last night. I think part of it was that I think I am getting a cold, and I couldn't breath very well. I tossed and turned until about 1:30 before I decided that this was ridiculous, why stay in bed? So I got on the computer, blog stalked, and other various things. I went back to bed and just layed there, begging the Sand Man to sprinkle me with fairy dust or whatever it is he does. The last time I looked at the clock, it was well past 4:00 am. FINALLY! The sweet slumber of sleep! I vaguely remember Matt kissing me goodbye. Then came the crying. (No, not Matt) That blasted baby monitor! I could hear Denver whining. Soon a full fledged cry erupted. I begrudgingly stumbled in a little after 8:00. By his cry, I could tell that he had taken his diaper off, again. I had no idea what was about to transpire! I opened his door and was slapped in the face by the stench of ......um........unpleasantness. DENVER GRAYSON SMITH!!! Oh yes, the full name was definitely in order!

Not only was his dirty diaper off, it was on the floor. And he had touched it. (eeewwwww) And it was not only on his hands, oh no. I was lucky enough to have walked into a freaking free for all. It was in his bed. On at least 2 blankets. On his crib rails. It was still on his behind. It was IN HIS HAIR!! It was FREAKING IN HIS HAIR!!!!! Do you hear me?!?! He had grabbed it and then played with his hair!!! It was not a bit of a smudge either, it was a clump of nastiness stuck and caked IN HIS HAIR!!! (I think I just threw up a little just reminiscing.)

After the obvious cursing (in my head) and desperate pleas and threats, I carefully put him on the changing table, only to discover that the dry, caked on stickiness was a bigger job than a few baby wipes could handle. I whisked him into the bathroom to wash him off.

Okay, what normally happens when you turn the faucet at your house? Water comes out, right? Ummm...not so much. After a short blast of sputtering water, it stopped! Yes, it stopped! NNNOOO!!!!! I tried the bathtub. No luck. I stood him in the tub and told him to stay put as I ran around the house frantically checking every faucet we have! (because it couldn't possibly be all of them)

Mind you, I am not good in a crisis. I always think I will be calm and level headed and know just what to do. But it never really quite works out that way. I become hysterical. So if any of you are thinking that if you are in the middle of a catastrophe, and you can just call me and I will kiss it and make it all better, I am just letting you know that in my heart I would love to be the calm and collected helper, and bend to your every need, but the reality is, I will most likely freak out.

Back to the water. (or lack there of) I grabbed the phone to call Matt and ask him why he had turned off the water. As I was dialing, I thought that maybe some prankster had turned it off during the wee hours of the morning. While I waited for the ringing on the other end of the phone, I had a thought. I grabbed my robe and went to the front door. The ringing began as I opened the door, where I found a note stating that indeed a prankster had turned off the water. It was signed by the water company! Well those dirty rotten...!!! Of all the crappy mornings!!! (literally) I can't believe they would actually turn off my water! Don't they know that I have kids! Aren't they mind readers?!?! Don't they know what has become of my morning?! Don't they know that I need my water?!? With no warning!!!

(Okay, in all honesty, there is probably a bill in the mailbox, which I have failed to check in probably the last 3 weeks. Our mail has probably been returned to the post office by now.) It really was an honest mistake, I sincerely thought that I had paid that bill. Actually, I had, but when I scheduled the online payment, I couldn't find the actual bill, so I paid what I thought was due. Apparently, I was wrong. If they had knocked on the door before proceeding with such a drastic measure, I would have gladly given them a check! Or at the very least, I would have been able to assess the situation earlier, and have them just give me 5 minutes to wash the nastiness off of my child!

Matt answered and I began my hysterical rant, aggravated by the fact that I have had only 4 hours sleep, and I don't feel well. I don't even remember what I said, but by this point I was crying. He mentioned something about the neighbor's hose. I gave him the number to the water company and went to gather supplies, and my now naked offspring, who had managed himself out of the tub, and was now streaking through the living room. (please don't sit down!!)

I had Amberlyn find me a towel as I drug (dragged?) the end of the neighbor's hose through our back fence. I hosed the child, lathered him with antibacterial soap, and scrubbed him down. He howled from the cold hose, made worse by the good breeze we had going. I rinsed and dried him, wrapped him snugly in the towel, and carried him back into the house, wailing at him to please stop taking his diaper off!

I got him dressed and Matt called back to say that it was taken care of and the water would be turned back on sometime today. At their convenience. Please, oh please come soon! I have blankets to wash, teeth to brush, toilets to flush, hands to wash, a shower to take.....

Denver just poured RED Powerade on the carpet. And I have no water to clean it up with. Yes, I am crying again.

I need a Dr. Pepper.
Copious amounts of Dr. Pepper.
And a truckload of chocolate.

Mr. Helpful

So yesterday was Monday, which means it was mopping day. I got out the mop and bucket, filled the bucket with water and cleaner, and carried it into the kitchen. Denver confiscated the mop. When I wrestled it away from him, he said, "Well fine mom, then I'll just go get my own mop." Okay, since his only words consist of cowd (cold), mimi (binki), neenee (LynnE), and leeeee (please), (well there are more, but they are few) he didn't really say this. But the look he gave me said it all as he set off to find his little red toy mop.

I started by the back door, and Denver soon emerged, with his pitiful little plastic mop in tow. He wasn't about to let me go at this alone. He dunked his tiny mop into the bucket, lifted it out soaked with water, and splashed it all over the floor. My kitchen soon looked like the floods of Katrina or Gustav. But, water dries, and hey, he was having a good time!


With the floors thoroughly soaked, it was time to use the water to actually mop the floor, you know, spread it around and clean up the spots? Ummm...not so much. He was content to keep my feet covered in cleaning water, with the in and out of the bucket routine. I eventually convinced him that he could do it, and Matt got a great video. My favorite part is his cool sunglasses!




Can you see how drenched the floors are?

At least I don't have to worry about her growing up to be a hostage negotiator

Dinner-(Which, by the way, was supposed to be roasted chicken, but apparently the bird had gone bad (very, very bad) in which case we settled for mac n' cheese with cut up hotdogs and a side of frozen veggies.)

Amberlyn: "Let's race! De-eee I'm gonna wi-in!"

Denver: "uspbpltthhh"

Amberlyn: "One! Two! THREE!!!!....(big bite of macaroni) I WON!!!!"

Denver: "BLUE!" (very proud of himself for recognizing the blue plate)

Amberlyn: "Denver, I'm gonna win again!"

Denver: "dddaaaAAAA!!!"

Amberlyn: "Deeeee, I beat you!! I'm done with my macaroni!!!"

Denver: "shshshllleeewwwwwpppp" (slurping sound)

Amberlyn: "Mom, can I have more macaroni?"

Me: "Eat three bites of vegetables, then you can have more macaroni."

Amberlyn: "How about one bite?"

Me: "Nope, three."

Amberlyn: "How about four?"

Me: "Okay, four."

Apparently the negotiation skills have not yet been mastered. (or learned)

Clothing: Optional (apparently)

Well Denver has somehow figured out how to undress himself. I dress him in the morning, and a few hours later he comes in wearing a shirt, AND NOTHING ELSE. Little streaker. I am constantly trying to get his diaper and shorts back on him. And HOW is it that he manages to get his diaper off with his pants still on??!!?! Luckily, no little puddles have shown up, yet. (I just jinxed myself, didn't I?)

A few nights ago, he was crying in the middle of the night. I went in to check, to find him wearing his pajama top as a cape, the tummy part on his back with the sleeves around his shoulders. He had taken it off (how?) and was apparently trying to put it back on. No such luck, hence, the crying.

As I recall, Scooby did the same thing at about the same age. The neighbors would call, and tell us that he was outside, naked. I guess being a wienie waver isn't the worst thing Denver could have gotten from his Uncle. But then, he's only two.....(heaven help me...)

Now you see it, Now you don't! (oh wait, there it is.)

Amberlyn usually likes broccoli. (I know!) Denver actually loves broccoli. (How did I get this lucky?!) But last night for dinner, we had beef stroganoff and, yup, broccoli. Denver devoured his. The child has been a bottomless pit lately, I think he's gained 5 pounds this month! Amberlyn on the other hand, always needs coaxing. Unless it's mac n' cheese. Of course, she inhales the processed, sodium filled, starch in a box, but get her to eat a home cooked meal!

Sorry, I'm rambling. Back to the broccoli. She had finished the stroganoff and was suddenly too full to eat her broccoli. However, the child will do almost anything if it's a race. So I told her I bet I could clean the kitchen before she finished her broccoli. On Your Mark, Get Set...GO!!! Away I went to load the dinner dishes into the dishwasher, put the leftovers away, and wipe the counters, the whole time, commentating my play-by-play, as to hurry her up. I told her I was almost done, all I had to do was sweep the floor, when she suddenly shouted, "Done!"

I went to the table ready to praise her for eating her vegetables! Sure enough her plate was empty! However. Denver's plate, which had been empty just moments earlier, was now full of broccoli. Sneaky little..... "But mommy, Denver wants it!" (ya right) I, of course put his plate in front of her and had her finish it up.

Why my 4 year old makes me laugh!

* So while Nicole was here last, Amberlyn was playing with a blanket and baby Thomas' car seat. (He was not in it.) She seemed to be having trouble with something. I asked her what was wrong, and her exasperated reply was, "I'm trying to build a bridge, and I'm getting SO frustrated!" I didn't even know she knew what that meant!

* We were working outside the other day, and Amberlyn came in to get some water. After a nice big drink she says, "This is SO refreshing!"

She loves me, She loves me not!

So, when Nicole & Logan were visiting, Nicole stopped by one evening for a night of girl talk & games. Grampa came later to pick her up that night, and as Aunt Nicole and Grampa were leaving, Amberlyn said she needed to tell them a secret in their ear. Grampa leaned over and Amberlyn whispered, "pspswshwspsps" and said "Don't tell anyone your secret!" Aunt Nicole was next and got the same "pspswshwspsps" followed with the promise to not tell anyone her secret. I was next in line. I leaned over and got the same "pspswshwspsps" and the same promise. I then told Amberlyn that I needed to tell her a secret. I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I love you!" She got a very cute happy look on her face. She said she needed to tell me another secret. I leaned over, ready for her to proclaim her love for me. Then she whispers in my ear, "I love my Dad!"

Our "Helper"

So, I heard the rattling of silverware, and could tell that Denver was getting into the dishwasher. Then I heard another clang and could tell he was getting into the silverware drawer. I walked in, and he was "helping". He was unloading the dishwasher for me! He had emptied about half the silverware basket in to the drawer for me. Granted, it was the wrong drawer, and since he can't reach the inside very well, it was all just thrown in.
Of course, I had to grab the video camera!

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Daddy turned on the music and they danced their little hearts out! Denver's arms swinging and feet stomping was so cute! Amberlyn's boogie was pretty cute too!

Kids in the snow

We went up to Show Low for the weekend. There wasn't any snow there, but we saw lots on our way up there. I told Amberlyn that we could stop on the way back. When we got to Forrest Lakes on our way home, we pulled over to the side of the road and walked back a little. I accidentally parked next to a dead cat, and didn't realize it until we were already out of the car. I told Amberlyn not to get close to it, and just don't look at it. (Ya right.) She was very curious. She wanted to know what happened, how, and what was in its mouth. (There was nothing in its mouth, it had been there a while, and it was it's jaw bone sticking out. Truly disgusting.) We played in the snow for a few minutes. When she asked for her jacket, rather than spending 10 minutes digging it out of the car, I opted to talk her in to leaving, saying we would come back another day, with coats, hats, gloves, and Daddy, and we would make a snow angel. She still wanted to know about the dead cat. I tried to change the subject. A few minutes later, "Mom, tell me about the dead cat." I tried my best to explain that he was in the road, and didn't get out of the way fast enough when a car came. I figured this was as good a time as any to explain the whole "Spirit & Body" thing. She seemed to get it. Anyway, here is a camera phone picture of the kids first time in the snow!

Gordon B. Hinkley IS the Prophet!

So last Sunday after dinner, we had Family Home Evening. (Matt works lots of Mondays, so we do Sundays) We went over Amberlyn's primary talk for our lesson. We told her that Nephi was a Prophet just like Adam (she's been singing 'Adam was a Prophet' constantly), and Joseph Smith, and now we have a new Prophet named Thomas S. Monson. She said, "NO! The Prophet is Gordon B. Hinkley!" We had told her that he had died, but I guess it didn't register. We told her again that he went to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus, and now we had a new Prophet named Thomas S. Monson. She again replied, "NO! The Prophet is Gordon B. Hinkley!" We again explained that he died, just like Uncle Scooby and Otie (Nonnie's cat), and now he lived in Heaven with them. Our new Prophet is Thomas S. Monson. Her insistence came again. "NO! The Prophet is GORDON B. HINKLEY!" We told her that she was absolutley right, Gordon B. Hinkley WAS the Prophet, but he died now and lives in Heaven, so we had to get a new Prophet. The new Prophets name is Thomas S. Monson. Apparently that wasn't good enough because once again, her voice was heard. "NO!" THE PROPHET IS GORDON B. HINKLEY!" Matt finally told her that we changed the Prophet's name to Thomas S. Monson. That seemed to be okay with her.